


Arc-V Abridged??? (AVA maybe)

by ViableSourceMaterial



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series, Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Dark Humor, Gen, Twisted Morality, murders fruitshippers but allows Fuschiashippers to live???, uses shipping as a plot device, what am I doing with my life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-14 01:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9150088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViableSourceMaterial/pseuds/ViableSourceMaterial
Summary: WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE2 seconds later: YOLO *slams laptop lid gently, grabs Yusaku, and shouts sk8 or die bro, then proceeds to skateboard out of the room, using Yusaku as a precious innocent fan shield to protect them from the masses of angry fruitshippers*(This is a rough draft of a script I wrote for Arc-V. No collaboration with anyone else in making this. Now, if you want to make something of value out of it, you CANNOT UNLESS IT IS WITH MY KNOWLEDGE, PERMISSION, and probably TAKEOVER of the project. I can be kinda BOSSY sometimes. However, if this is not offputting, or you just really wanna use this, make sure you credit me, on both AO3 and at @ispikedthedrinks on tumblr. You have been warned, do not steal this unless you want RAGE. I can roast pretty good, you know.





	1. The Hallucinogenic Properties of Kool-Aid made from Clippings Picked Up At A Barber's Shop

*Scene 1, Intro Thing

Narrator: One day a scientist and an entertainer invented a machine that produced infinite matter and decided to use it to play a children’s card game, defying the laws of reality and gravity in the process. Now, their sons are using it to fight a dimensional war- *angry voice, distance from the microphone* Who even wrote this thing!?

 

*Intro music plays (take the first opening, get an instrumental, then remix it! *thumbs-up the keyboard*)

 

*Scene 2, Couch Potatoes

Yuya: Okay, so let’s go over this again. You want me to just walk up to Akaba Reiji, the CEO of the top Real Solid Vision company in Maiami City, seduce him into gay lust, and steal his scarf and money?

Yuzu: Yep! That’s precisely the plan!

Yuya: Okay, seems legit, but why do we need to steal the scarf?

Yuzu: For my Senpai altar- I mean, as a reference for my E-rated AO3 shipping fanfiction!

Yuya: Well sure, that’s great and all, but are they about me at all?

Yuzu: No, Mr. Mockingjay, that’s the fandom’s job, remember?

 

*Nico Smiley walks in (give him a grotesque ear bleeding voice)*

Nico: Yuya, my dear tomato, how would you like to duel the current champion?

Yuya: Sure, as long as you  _ never talk again.  _ God, your mother must have pissed off someone important in Heaven for you to get that ear rape of a voice.

Nico: I’m going to ignore that. *Makes Yuya sign contract off-screen*

 

Yuya: So what’s the prize?

Nico: 5000 Yen.

Yuya: Come on, this is Americanized Japan. At least say it in terms our American viewers will understand.

Nico: Fine, 300,000 dollars.

Yuya: How many tomatoes can I buy with that? *Turns to Yuzu* Calculator Slave, how many?

Yuzu: Yuya, if you keep calling me that I swear to God I am going to hit you so hard you will invent a new summoning method!

Yuya: Actually, Calculator Slave, lay it on me!

Yuzu: Yuya no.

Yuya: YUYA YES! COME ON, CALCULATOR SLAVE! COME HERE!

*Black screen with white text: We apologize, but the following scene is too graphic for younger audiences. *meanwhile, audio in the background is the beautiful sound of a roast chicken being smacked repeatedly*

 

*Scene 3, Duel Thing

Strong Guy: I am Strong Guy! You will either be ear raped by my announcer or raped by me! *Hordes of otaku fangirls squee offscreen*

Yuya *behind Strong Guy*: Hey. Hey bro. Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey-

Strong Guy: WHAT!?!?

Yuya *rape face*: I’m going to get a one-turn kill and humiliate you live in front of the entire city.

SG: NO!!!!!

Yuya: Ah, worked up easily, are we?~ Let me help you control your anger, sweetheart~.

SG: I’LL TEAR YOU APART!!!

Yuya: Yeah no, that’s not happening. *Snaps his fingers, and instantly wins* And that’s why you don’t mess with me.

 

(Should we end it there, or do episode 2 in there too?) (Screw it, doing episode 2.)

 

Yuzu: Well, our plan to seduce and rob Akaba Reiji failed, but you did just beat the champion. So… does that make you the champion now? Because with all that money, we won’t even need to rob Reiji!

Yuya: You still want me to seduce him, don’t you?

Yuzu: Well duh. Oh, and as revenge for Calculator Slave… you’re getting a nickname now.

Yuya: Just hurry up with it you filthy Pendulumshipper...

Yuzu: Pendulum?

Yuya: No.

Yuzu: My Chemical Romance?

Yuya: I don’t even know what that is...

Yuzu: Got Ear Raped by Nico Smiley?

Yuya: OH HELL NO!

Yuzu: Literal Reincarnation of the Devil?

Yuya: ...Screw it, you win.

Yuzu: Well okay then-

Yuya: But, on one condition.

Yuzu: What.

Yuya: You have to stop making Pendulumshipping your OTP…

Yuzu: Ok, I can do that.

Yuya: -And make your new OTP Hostageshipping.

Yuzu: That’s just a dick move, you know I hate Hostageshipping.

Yuya: At least I didn’t say Fuschiashipping, it’s so obvious you can’t even make it your OTP because you’re jealous~

Yuzu: Well look who’s talking, Mr. Dimensionshipper!

Yuya: Oh you did not just go there.

Yuzu: Oh yeah I did, I know all your secrets, you filthy narcissistic selfshipping sinner~

Yuya: *leaves and sits on bridge* *In head* Stupid Yuzu, who does she think she is, calling out the literal reincarnation of the devil on his selfshipping tendencies, we were literally talking about it right before this started, can’t she see she’s too absorbed in her Fuschiashipping daydreams to realize- *is interrupted by Divine Grace Yoko*

Yoko: Yuya, I know you just got into an argument with Yuzu, and are probably still angry about it.

Yuya: Mom where are you going with this???

Yoko: I need you to go take that anger out on a group of Fruitshippers protesting outside our front door.

Yuya: Say no more. *Rape Face: On* *is going to murder some Fruitshippers*

*Yuya Kill Count: 4.

*Berserk Kill Count: 0.


	2. Episode 2: Twisted Egao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT THE FOURTH WALL WAS DESTROYED BY CARD GAMES GRAB THE CHILDREN AND RUN  
> I mean, uh, everything's perfectly fine, oh yes, no problems, nothing to see here, move along now!

*Shingo appears*

Yuya: Oh uh hi Sawatari...

Shingo: No, no, no, Yuya, this will  _not_ do, not at all! You must put more flare into it! More effort! More...  _attraction~!_

Yuzu: You stay away from my man!

Yuya: Yuzu please, I can take this guy.

Yuzu: Well you better kick his ass or some blue-haired ninja kid will show up and take care of all our problems for us, but not bothering to be there beforehand for when I fall off a tall height or something...

Shingo: Oh and by the way I'm taking these magicians. They're too fabulous to belong in the hands of an amateur like you.

Yuya: Well fuck you too.

Shingo: *gasp* Well I'll be! I was complimenting your magicians and you say that to me!? I guess I'll have to teach you proper behavior, you delinquent fool!

Yuya: Delinquent fool!? You're more of a delinquent than I am, you petty thief! You throw money around while your father flaunts his status, then indulge in jail-worthy activities just because dear ol' dad keeps you from getting in trouble because of it!

Shingo: At least  _I_ have a father.

Yuya: Oh you did NOT just go there.

Shingo: Well, what if I told you that my father explicitly stated that I have to be an asshole to you to prevent the end of the world, so I'm just listening to my parents, like any good kid should do. Maybe you should've followed in the footsteps of your dear old father and ran away like the coward both you and your father are!

Yuya: *growls*

Yuzu: Okay what the fuck Yuya, I know you're the literal reincarnation of the devil but now is  _not the time!_

Shingo: Wait what was that about the devil?

Yuzu: I said, he's the literal reincarnation of the devil!

Shingo: Sorry, still couldn't hear you, could you say it louder?

Yuzu: I SAID, YUYA IS THE LITERAL REINCARNATION OF THE DEVIL!!!

Shingo: Okay Jesus Christ woman, you didn't have to be so loud...

Yuzu: Oh fuck you...

Yuya: *growls again*

Shingo: Yuya just stop, you're not impressing anyone with that animalistic impression. If you really are the literal reincarnation of the devil, what the fuck are you gonna do to me by playing a FUCKING CARD GAME!?

(Demonic Possession Count:1)

Yuya: *demonic voice* Oh I can do a lot of things. But for our first act, I'll need a volunteer...

Shingo: Um... what will we be doing?? *in head: Okay Shingo you stupid idiot what the fuck are you doing you do not do this you need to be calling an exorcist not agreeing to this bullshit*

Yuya: *demonic voice, still* It's a surprise~

Yuzu: Oh no dear God I hope this isn't what I think it is...

Shingo: What do you mean!?

Yuzu: When he gets like this there is no fucking stopping him. At least, not that I'm aware of...

Shingo: Then what the fuck do I DO!?

Yuya: Join me in my little game, of course!~

Shingo: Oh hell no! There's no way I would do that!

Yuya: Well, it's either that or we'll have to give our lovely audience such a boring show, and I'd  _hate_ to have to do that...

Shingo: Okay fuck it let's go you homicidal maniac!

Yuya: Glad to hear. Now, for the first act, we'll be having, a _nice,_   _friendly duel._

Yuzu: Oh holy shit fuck no Shingo get the hell out I don't have my phone on me and we need to call an exorcist!

Shingo: Sorry to tell you, Yuzu, but I don't have my phone on me either! Now, I die like a man! At least you can run, still!

Yuya: Aw, now why does my volunteer want our lovely audience to look away and miss the performance? It's not the same, then... why don't you want to have fun!?  _Don't you want egao!?!?_

Yuzu: SAWATARI NO YOU CAN'T DON'T EGAO HOLY SHIT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T ACCEPT!!!!

Shingo: It's too late for me Yuzu, maybe he won't do anything to you.

Yuzu: Like hell he will! He's not that gone yet! Plus, it's kinda your fault...

Yuya: Now, are you done talking? It's time for the show to start~

Shingo: Let's just get this over with already.

Yuya: Now, why are you in such a rush? That just makes you not able to focus.

Shingo: Yuya, snap out of it already, I've had enough of you acting like this! I liked it better when you were an angry asshole! At least I knew how to deal with you then!

Yuzu: Sawatari I admit that is a good point...

Yuya: *only slightly demonic voice* What do you mean? I'm just doing what's expected of me.

Shingo: Expected of you!? What's expected of you is that You're supposed to speak normally, not act like a psychopath, and not terrorize me!

Yuya: ...

Shingo: And insult me back when I insult you, and react when I trigger your daddy issues, and constantly delve into shipping wars with Yuzu!

Yuya: ...

Shingo: And above all... You're supposed to be a narcissistic selfshipping sinner!

Yuya: OH FUCK NO YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT TO ME!!

Yuzu: *Sighs in relief* Guess it worked...

Yuya: Wait... what? What was I... What was I doing?

Shingo: You were acting like a psychopath.

Yuzu: And sorry to say this Yuya, but you did the thing again.

Yuya: The thing?

Yuzu: The thing.

Yuya: And what the fuck did you do to stop me, then!?

Yuzu: I had Shingo do it.

Yuya: WHY!?!? WHY IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK WOULD YOU HAVE SHINGO DO IT, YOU STUPID BITCH!

Yuzu: EXCUSE ME!? THIS "STUPID BITCH" WAS THE ONE WHO GAVE SAWATARI THE IDEA ON WHAT TO DO TO SAVE YOUR SORRY ASS FROM YET ANOTHER POSSESSION!

Yuya: AND WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST DO IT YOURSELF, THEN!?

Shingo: He has a point, Yuzu...

Yuzu: Oh fuck off, both of you. Oh, and Shingo?

Shingo: Yeah?

Yuzu: Glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks of him that way.

Shingo: ...Thanks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goddamn, was this hard to write. This is the one fic where I can just completely destroy the meta. AzzyFox's Arc-V Abridged inspired me or some shit, how the fuck am I supposed to credit someone like this  
> Anyway hope you enjoy and tune in for more! (whenever I build up enough suppressed emotion to vomit my feelings onto the keyboard for you all to read.)


	3. Plot Armor (and the only episode where shipping isn't mentioned, yay!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *nopes out of everything*

*Sora appears*

Sora: I'm a ninja!

Yuya: Oh god not a horrible Naruto OC! *groans*

Sora: I'm offended! I'm a character from this show!

Yuya: I don't believe you.

Sora: I can prove it!

Yuya: Do tell how, exactly?

Sora: By playing a children's card game.

Yuya: Did you just make a LittleKuriboh quote?

Sora: Yeah, so?

Yuya: Do you want to get Yugi's wrench involved?

Sora: What could that  _possibly_ mean?

Yuya: I'm not even going to explain, just shut up and duel me.

Sora: Fine! I Fusion Summon Frightfur Bear! And now, I attack your monster!

Yuya: No.

Sora: No??

Yuya: I Summon my giant dragon thingy.

Odd-Eyes: Rawr

Sora: How did you-

Yuya: No no, don't think, don't ask, just accept. Now, you lose.

Sora: WHY DO I LOSE!?

Yuya: Because I'm the main character and have plot armor.

Sora: Shit I don't know how to beat that...

Yuya: Like hell you do.

Sora: Can I have another chance?

Yuya: No. You're going straight to You Show.

Sora: W-What's that?

Yuya: Card game torture prison.

Sora: NOOO- *is cut off by soap bar to the face* Hey, who threw that!?

Narrator: I did!

Sora: Well go fuck yourself!

Narrator: I would if I could!


	4. Tense Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit, I screwed up and let my trademark leak in again. I humbly beg for your forgiveness.

Shingo: Thanks for coming over to visit, Yuzu.

Yuzu: Oh, it's no problem, Sawatari. Wanna have a friendly duel?

Shingo: Sure!

*Yuto appears*

Yuto: No I don't think so.

Shingo: Who the hell are you and what is wrong with your hair.

Yuto: I'm clearly not a Yugi fanboy.

Shingo: You're just scared to admit it.

Yuto: I'm going to duel you into apparent unconsciousness.

Shingo: Yes, because for some reason playing a card game will cause me to become severely injured.

Yuto: You are correct. *summons Dark Rebellion and pounds Shingo into the dirt*

Yuzu: *bracelet shines* Oh no why is my shiny glowing?

Yuto: *disappears*

Yuya: *runs into the scene* Yuzu what happened!

Yuzu: Yuya do you have an Xyz dragon?

Yuya: No why are you asking?

Yuzu: Then why did I just see you summon one and defeat Shingo?

Yuya: I didn't do that!

Yuzu: Prove it!

Yuya: ...Shit, I can't.

Yuzu: Now cough up that Xyz dragon!

Yuya: I don't have one!

Yuzu: Hand it over! The plot doesn't allow you to have it yet!

Yuya: I don't have any Xyz monsters!

Yuzu: HAND OVER THE PLOT DEVICE, DEMON!

Yuya: Y-Yuzu...

Yuzu: *realizes what she said*

*Tense silence*

*Video cuts out with static for a few seconds before going black for about ten seconds, and then [VIDEO END]*


End file.
